Lessons from a Life of Leadership | Marshall Goldsmith | Knowledge Project 142

KEYPOINTS

• 01

  Leadership is achieving through others — and 'that's just the way I am' blocks it.

  Executive coach Marshall Goldsmith borrows his mentor Paul Hersey's definition: working with and through others to achieve objectives. Are leaders born? '100% of every leader I've ever met has been born.' What matters is that leaders can become more effective. The biggest self-limiting belief is 'that's just the way I am,' as in, 'I can't listen.' What, he asks, is stuck in your ears? The belief does two kinds of damage. It lowers the odds of changing, and even if you do change, it makes the new behaviour feel phoney.

• 02

  Follow up, or perception never changes.

  Every client gets confidential feedback from an average of 18 colleagues. They thank everyone, pick one thing to improve, apologise briefly, and ask for ideas for the future — then listen, take notes and say thank you, without judging. Goldsmith's study of 86,000 leaders found those who don't follow up improve at about random chance; those who do improve hugely. Follow-up changes perception as well as behaviour. Without it, the first slip after seven months good ('idiots in finance') proves you never changed. With follow-up every two months, people say, 'You've worked hard — you shouldn't have said that.'

• 03

  The top problem of successful people: winning too much.

  Goldsmith's answer to a Harvard Business Review interviewer. Winners want to win whether the stakes are critical or trivial. You lose the restaurant argument, the food is awful: critique it, or shut up and enjoy the night? Your partner says they had a hard day and you reply, 'You had a hard day?' One Dartmouth student did this, and his wife told him, 'Honey, you just think you've had a hard day. It is not over.' The leadership shift is to stop proving you're smart and right, and focus on making a positive difference.

• 04

  Stop adding too much value.

  An employee brings a good idea; the boss suggests an addition. Quality might rise 5%, but commitment drops 50%, because now it's the boss's idea. Former GlaxoSmithKline CEO JP Garnier told Goldsmith that his suggestions became orders, whether he wanted them to or not. His most useful lesson: before speaking, breathe and ask, 'Is it worth it?' He managed it half the time. At work, ask whether the comment will raise the other person's commitment. At home, if you have to ask, it's almost never worth it.

• 05

  Coaching results depend on choosing the right people.

  For years Goldsmith was only paid if clients improved, as judged by the people around them. His chart showed a negative correlation between time spent with him and improvement. Alan Mulally, who improved most with the least coaching, became Ford's CEO; the stock rose from $1.01 to $18.40, with a 97% employee approval rating. Mulally told him the biggest challenge is customer selection, and leadership 'is not about me, it's about them.' Goldsmith now tells prospective clients exactly what they must do and won't work with anyone who won't. If people don't care, don't waste your time.

• 06

  Don't make your worth conditional on outcomes.

  A great life needs aligned aspirations (a why), ambitions, and day-to-day activities. High achievers get lost in ambition. You don't control outcomes, and achievements satisfy only briefly. 'The great Western disease' is believing it'll all be fine 'when' — the money, the BMW, the condo. Pfizer CEO Albert Bourla, after the vaccine, his best year, worried about the next. Physicist Safi Bahcall finally realised happiness and achievement are independent variables. Coaches John Wooden ('do your best, then be proud') and Coach K ('next play') focused on process.

• 07

  Every breath, a new you.

  Goldsmith, a philosophical Buddhist, teaches that the 'previous me's' did everything up to now. Thank them for their gifts, forgive their mistakes, and stop living in the past. A man reminded of his absent-father years told his wife he isn't that person any more, and she agreed. Living in the past is a form of vicarious living, like the guy at the bar reliving Super Bowl III or the billion hours spent watching others play video games. Retiring CEOs have to find meaning now, not in 'I used to be.'

• 08

  Willpower is overrated — use daily questions.

  For about 25 years, someone has phoned Goldsmith daily to go through his spreadsheet of yes/no/number questions — 'How many times did you try to prove you were right when it wasn't worth it?' Half the people who start quit within two weeks, not because it fails but because it works and is humbling. A Harvard MD/PhD managed seven days out of fourteen. His six core questions all begin 'Did I do my best to…': set clear goals, make progress, find meaning, be happy, build relationships, be fully engaged. Asking 'did I do my best' stops you blaming the environment. People average about 5.5 out of 10 on happiness; he gives himself about 30% on being present.