The Influence Expert: 7 Ways to Get People to Do What You Want (Even When They Don't Want To)

KEYPOINTS

• 01

  Influence points to principles that are really there; manipulation fakes them.

  Cialdini’s seven principles work because they usually point people in a sensible direction. If genuine experts endorse something, or many people like you are choosing it, that’s a reasonable shortcut to a good decision. Ethical influence simply highlights a principle that already exists in the situation, which Cialdini calls not just ethical but commendable. Manipulation counterfeits it: lying with statistics to suggest a crowd is behind something, or presenting a celebrity as an authority. The levers are the same; whether they’re real decides the ethics.

• 02

  Reciprocation: give first, and make it meaningful to the other person.

  Every human society teaches that we must repay what we’ve been given, which is what makes giving first safe. In a study at McDonald’s restaurants in Colombia and Brazil, children who got a balloon on the way in, rather than on the way out, came with families who bought 25% more food. In another fast-food test, a free key ring raised spending 12%, but a small cup of yogurt raised it 24%, because hungry customers valued it. Gifts work best when tailored to the person’s needs and given close to the request. Free useful information is the cheapest gift, but if it’s really a pitch for your product, people see it as a device, not a favor.

• 03

  Concessions get reciprocated too: ask big, then retreat.

  Asked to give blood every six weeks for two years, almost everyone refused. When researchers then retreated to ‘would you give one unit tomorrow?’, agreement rose from 33% to 55%, and observers confirmed people actually showed up. Simply offering both options side by side didn’t work as well; the person has to say no so you can visibly concede. Cialdini says the Cuban Missile Crisis was resolved the same way. The public story was that Khrushchev blinked, but archives at the Kennedy Library later revealed a secret trade: Soviet missiles out of Cuba, US missiles out of Turkey. He thinks the false ‘never compromise’ lesson misled a generation of leaders.

• 04

  Liking rests on real similarity and genuine compliments.

  In email negotiations, 30% of pairs deadlocked and walked away with nothing. When negotiators first shared personal details like hobbies, hometown and college major, deadlocks fell to 6%, and what mattered was how many things they had in common, not how much they shared. Today’s public profiles let you find real common ground ahead of time. Joe Girard, named the world’s greatest salesperson by Guinness for about 12 years, sold an average of six cars a day. Every customer got a card every month that said only ‘I like you.’ We like people who like us, and Girard meant it.

• 05

  Social proof is strongest when people are uncertain, and trends beat snapshots.

  In Beijing restaurants, labeling dishes as ‘one of our most popular items’ raised their orders 13–20%. First-time visitors, the most uncertain diners, were influenced the most. Seeing peers act also signals that something is achievable: Opower showed households their energy use compared with similar neighbors, and Cialdini says it prevented 30 billion pounds of CO2 emissions. A rising number (market share going from 30% to 35% to 40%) persuades more than a static one, because people project the trend forward.

• 06

  Be an authority, not just in authority, and put the evidence first.

  Pulling rank gets compliance but provokes workarounds; that’s power, not influence. Genuine expertise persuades. Testimonials from audio experts raised sales of a Bose music system 15%, measured through the phone number printed in the ad, and Cialdini’s team moved them from the bottom of the ad to the top so their credibility colored every line that followed. Peer testimonials work the same way and also belong up front.

• 07

  Scarcity works through loss aversion, and you can frame what people stand to lose.

  Losing something weighs about twice as much as gaining the same thing. For the Bose ad, the word ‘New’ at the top signaled uncertainty and a reason to wait. Changing it to ‘Hear what you’ve been missing’ raised sales 45%, and adding the testimonials took the total to 60%. A study of 6,700 e-commerce A/B tests found the top three drivers of conversion were limited supply, social proof and limited-time offers. Without artificial scarcity, highlight what’s truly unique, even if it’s only a combination of features no rival offers.

• 08

  Commitment and unity: get an active yes, and invoke a shared identity.

  Gordon’s restaurant in Chicago had 30% no-shows. The receptionist changed ‘Please call if you have to cancel’ to ‘Will you please call…?’ and paused for a yes; no-shows fell 67% and stayed down. Managers can end meetings by asking ‘Will you be able to complete this by next time?’ Unity goes further than similarity; it means being ‘of us.’ A student who said ‘I’m a student here too’ before asking for United Way donations raised 400% more.