How to Get Unstuck: Do This to Create the Future You Want

KEYPOINTS

• 01

  Everyone is stuck somewhere, and knowing that is freeing

  NYU researcher Dr. Adam Alter, author of Anatomy of a Breakthrough, has surveyed thousands of people worldwide. He says everyone reports being stuck in at least one respect and can name it quickly. Some answers are narrow, like a piano piece someone has failed to learn for six years; others are 'my whole life is one big sticking point.' He argues that stuckness feels personal and messy, but there is a step-by-step path through it.

• 02

  There are two kinds of stuck

  The first is goal-based: you know you want to get from A to Z, such as a nursing degree or no longer being single, but can't get past B. Alter says this is usually easier to solve. The second is diffuse 'blah,' where life feels dull and gray and no day builds on the one before. He believes modern life holds a lot of that emptiness, which is why loss of direction is so common.

• 03

  Life quakes stall even people who were doing well

  Alter cites author Bruce Feiler's research on 'lifequakes,' major events that blindside nearly everyone: divorce, a death, illness. Good ones count too, like a promotion, a move or a new child, because they force change. If you expect ups and downs, you skip the 'why me' rumination and start acting sooner.

• 04

  Run a friction audit: find, intervene, confirm

  Paradoxically, Alter says that when you crave freedom, tight structure helps. Step one is to find the biggest friction points, such as the part of the day you dread most or the step in your career you can never get past. Step two is to intervene by removing the friction or smoothing it down, spending time, energy or money if needed. Step three is to confirm that it worked. He developed the method with companies before applying it to individuals.

• 05

  Raise your lows instead of adding more highs

  Alter argues that bad things drag you down more than good things lift you up, so 'we are often as good as the worst stuff that's going on.' He says the best return comes from smoothing out friction points, not from booking the next flashy vacation. The natural instinct is to turn away from those problems, which is how they become traps that can last for decades.

• 06

  Ages ending in nine trigger a spike in soul-searching

  With UCLA's Hal Hershfield, Alter found that people question life's meaning more at 29, 39, 49 and 59, which he calls an end-of-decade crisis. At those ages more people sign up for marathons and buy books on aging. The research also found rises in extramarital affairs and a small rise in suicide. Alter's advice is to audit your life every year so you don't depend on an overwhelming decade marker.

• 07

  Set a goal to prove to yourself that you can move

  Alter ran his only marathon at 29, when he was single, lonely in New York, missing Australia and unsure of his new career. The goal itself doesn't matter, he says; it's a 'palate cleanser' that signals you can make things happen and counters helplessness. Options include athletic goals, intellectual ones like coding or the Saturday New York Times crossword, and creative ones like painting or music. Connecting with people also restores meaning.

• 08

  Take a minimally viable action

  The habit stage starts with the smallest step in the right direction. Stuck in a job? List alternative industries, then specific target companies and their pros and cons. Alter credits experimentation with getting him unstuck from a degree he didn't want: lay out your options and spend a week tasting each one. Turning it into an experiment removes the pressure of 'getting it right.'

• 09

  Good failure tells you what to do next

  Alter says very few failures are irreversible. Bad failure leaves you dejected without knowing why. Good failure shows what worked, where you fell short, or that you should quit and move on, which is also valuable. His test: 'Have I learned what the next thing should be?' If so, he says it wasn't really a failure.