Anxiety Toolkit: Understanding Its Effects On Your Mind and Body | The Mel Robbins Podcast

KEYPOINTS

• 01

  Anxiety is alarm in the body that the mind tries to explain

  Physician and neuroscientist Dr. Russell Kennedy, author of Anxiety Rx, separates anxious thoughts from what he calls 'alarm': a painful sense of danger stored in the body. The mind, a 'compulsive meaning-making machine,' explains that alarm with worries, what-ifs and worst-case scenarios. Those thoughts make the alarm worse, which makes the thoughts worse, a loop he calls the alarm-anxiety cycle.

• 02

  Everyday worry is normal; relentless daily anxiety usually isn't

  Kennedy says worrying about taxes or your kids is normal. Anxiety that shows up every day, like waking with dread, usually traces back to unresolved childhood wounding held in the nervous system. Because people treat it as a thinking problem and try to fix it through the mind, he says, some stay in therapy for 30 years without getting much better.

• 03

  Children blame themselves, and that split leaves alarm behind

  Kennedy quotes the saying that when a child is abused, neglected or abandoned, the child doesn't stop loving the parent, they stop loving themselves. The child, powerless, escapes into overthinking, and the habit stays. Later events like divorce or a car accident bring the alarm back. His summary: 'Anxiety occurs because you've blocked love for yourself.'

• 04

  Trauma is whatever gets your nervous system stuck

  Kennedy separates everyday 'drama,' which every childhood has, from trauma, which leaves the nervous system stuck 'on.' He compares it to an old railway switch moving you from growth mode to protection mode. A securely attached child with attuned caregivers can go through hard events without that switch flipping. The older you get, the more the switch 'rusts' in place, though he avoids calling it permanent.

• 05

  The amygdala has no sense of time

  Traumatic memories stored by the amygdala feel like they're happening now, not in the past. Kennedy says this is also the way in: because the amygdala doesn't track time, you can go back to your younger self and give them, now, the comfort they needed then.

• 06

  Coping tools help, but healing works at the root

  Kennedy has taught yoga and meditation, and he says breathwork, guided meditation and similar tools do help you cope. Healing, in his view, means finding the suffering child in you and showing them they're seen, heard, loved and protected. He's frustrated that recent neuroscience advances have rarely changed outcomes in the exam room. The exception he finds exciting is guided psychedelic therapy with ketamine, MDMA or psilocybin, which he thinks helps people reconnect with themselves.

• 07

  Seeking validation can be a hidden sign of anxiety

  Constantly looking for love and attention outside yourself, and feeling crushed and lonely without it, is a sign people often miss. Kennedy sees addiction as closely tied to anxiety: both grow from childhood wounding, and substances temporarily remove the blocks so people feel connected to themselves. He adds that unresolved childhood wounding can show up as anxiety in one person and as depression, eating disorders or personality disorders in others.

• 08

  Go into the body instead of the head

  When alarm hits, Kennedy says not to 'add thoughts to it.' Feel the support of the bed, breathe, and find where the alarm sits: his is in his solar plexus, others feel it in the throat or shoulders. Put a hand there and notice its shape, color and temperature. He points to the insula, which links the thinking brain and the feeling body, as a promising area for changing these patterns.

• 09

  Go slowly, and get help for major trauma

  Your younger self may not trust you after decades of ignored alarm, and the adult resists going back because that's where the pain is. Start gently. If there was significant emotional, physical or sexual abuse, Kennedy says to work with a therapist, possibly a somatic therapist, because doing it alone can re-traumatize you.