The Reason You Procrastinate Is Not What You’re Thinking | The Mel Robbins Podcast

KEYPOINTS

• 01

  You aren't 'a procrastinator,' you have a habit of procrastinating

  Mel, a self-described former chronic procrastinator who pulled all-nighters in college, says calling yourself a procrastinator turns a behavior into an identity. Procrastination is not a personality trait. It's a broken pattern of behavior you can understand and replace. If yours is chronic, she says that mostly tells you the stress in your life is chronic too.

• 02

  Productive procrastination is different from destructive procrastination

  A deliberate break, like stepping outside during a hard project to clear your head, is a conscious, helpful kind of delay. The episode focuses on the destructive kind: dozens of small 'micro-procrastinations,' like social media checks that add up to hours each week, and avoiding something big, like a dissertation, an application, sales calls or posting videos.

• 03

  Procrastination is about avoiding stress, not the task

  Mel draws on Dr. Timothy Pychyl of Carleton University, who has studied procrastination for two decades and describes it as a subconscious desire to feel good right now. You put off the thing that takes brainpower because you're trying to escape stress. The stress may have nothing to do with the task: aging parents, money, a friend's divorce, childhood trauma, or simply how hard you are on yourself.

• 04

  The 'stress backpack' makes focused work feel impossible

  Concentrated work requires your prefrontal cortex, but if you're carrying a backpack of worry, your brain pushes back: 'You want me to make 15 cold calls when I've been worried about paying my bills all day? Can we watch cat videos?' Two hours later nothing is done and you're more stressed. Mel describes procrastination as the 'freeze' part of fight, flight or freeze.

• 05

  'Comfortable' means familiar, not pleasant

  Listener Vidhi says 'feeling shitty has become a comfortable feeling.' Mel says that makes perfect sense: comfortable means you're used to it, not that you like it. Being stuck and knowing what to do but not doing it can become normal. Recognizing that you're in the loop is the first step to breaking it.

• 06

  Revenge procrastination at night feeds the cycle

  Scrolling for three hours on the couch after a draining day is a way of getting back at your job. An occasional night of it is fine. The problem is when you go to bed stressed about the wasted evening, skip setting up tomorrow, wake up behind, and do it all again.

• 07

  Step 1: forgive yourself

  It may sound cheesy, but it's backed by research. Mel cites a paper Pychyl co-authored finding that students who forgave themselves for procrastinating on one exam were less likely to procrastinate on the next. Since being hard on yourself is a major source of the stress, she suggests telling yourself something like 'Wow, two hours went by, I must be really stressed. I forgive myself.'

• 08

  Step 2: name what's actually stressing you

  When you notice the pattern, like unopened bills or a parking ticket that doubled because you missed the deadline, ask what's really bothering you: senior year ending, a sales quota, a spouse who's angry with you, waiting on your dad's test results. Mel says naming it loosens its grip because it pulls the stress out of the backpack where you can see it.

• 09

  Step 3: ask what future you wants you to do right now

  Picture the version of you who has already finished, like Vidhi's completed portfolio or the Mel who has seen the doctor, and ask what they'd want you to do now. Two glasses of wine into a lost evening, the you who wakes up tomorrow wants you to pack lunch, turn off the screens, read 10 pages and go to bed.

• 10

  Then count 5-4-3-2-1 and start for one minute

  Mel uses the 5 Second Rule as a starting ritual. Starting is the hard part: once you make the first cold call, write the first sentence or type your name on the application, you usually keep going. The problem isn't your ability, she says. It's that you're caught in a stress-driven cycle that sets off your nervous system.