To Anyone Going Through a Breakup: How to Heal a Broken Heart & Move On

KEYPOINTS

• 01

  Don't tell a heartbroken person to love themselves

  Mel and her daughter Sawyer start by setting aside the usual advice. 'Love yourself' fails because right after a breakup you feel rejected, unwanted and even disgusting. 'Distract yourself,' 'get back out there' and 'push through it, girlfriend' fail too, because you think about the person all day anyway. Sawyer's request to the people around her was simple: let me be sad.

• 02

  Processing and moving forward are two different jobs

  Sawyer's key distinction is that sobbing on the floor is processing, not a tool for moving through the breakup. Mel says ordinary advice runs the two together. This episode treats them separately: first understand what your body is going through, then use specific actions to build a life without the person.

• 03

  Your nervous system misses them too

  Mel shares what her therapist, Anne Davin, told her: it hurts so much because the person is intertwined with your nervous system. You can still hear their voice, you want to share good news with them, and you picture them in the car beside you. Davin compares it to a death, except the person is still alive. Mel says this shows you're not 'some weak weirdo.' You're unlearning a life you built together.

• 04

  No contact for 30 days

  Davin's rule: no texts, no calls, and no photos, videos or voice memos. She says their voice is especially charged and reactivates old patterns, setting you back. Mel quietly hid every photo of the couple from the family's digital picture frame. Sawyer had about 25 impulses a day to reach out and almost forwarded every funny video before remembering she couldn't.

• 05

  Urges to reach out are withdrawal, not a sign

  Wanting to text them, send a meme or message their parents is habit and nervous-system signaling, Mel says, not 'a sign from God that this is your person.' She suggests pairing 'let them' with 'let me': let me keep my promise, send the meme to my sister instead, and drive down a different road than theirs.

• 06

  Give it about three months

  Mel cites research that grieving a breakup takes about three months before you start to feel better. She says that by the 11-week mark, 71% of people report feeling better. She offers it as a mile marker, not a deadline, and calls the sadness a mentally healthy response. Sawyer's recovery was a 'rolling hill,' with good days followed by sobbing on the gym floor.

• 07

  Closure has to come from you

  Sawyer doesn't believe in closure. Her call on day 30 didn't give her any, though hearing an 'official no' helped her move on. Mel says people look for closure because they don't realize they're grieving, and they hope one conversation will reset their nervous system. That work happens inside you.

• 08

  Let go of the future you imagined

  Sawyer accepted the breakup, but not that he wouldn't be at the end of the aisle or the father of her children. She pictured running into him in New York years later with her hair blown out. She says that fantasy and the sadness kept her anchored and felt 'like crack.' Mel compares it to divorced friends whose anger keeps them emotionally married.

• 09

  Replaying only the good memories

  Sawyer says that after a breakup you keep replaying the best moments until the relationship looks 'like a Barbie movie,' and you block out the disagreements and the reasons it ended. Mel says refusing to accept reality is what keeps you trapped.