Do This for 1 Week to Manifest the Future You Want with Shonda Rhimes

KEYPOINTS

• 01

  Outward success can hide a very small, fear-run life.

  Shonda Rhimes, creator of Grey's Anatomy and Scandal and executive producer of Bridgerton, had Emmys, Golden Globes and her own production company, Shondaland, yet she turned down nearly every invitation. She says many people live the same way: 'I wish I could do this, but I can't,' with no actual reason why. The reality, she says, is that you do have it in you.

• 02

  The rule: for one year, say yes to everything that scares you.

  After her sister's challenge (see examples), Rhimes made a rule and stuck to it. Her first yes was a commencement speech at Dartmouth, her and Mel's alma mater (Mel was class of '90, Rhimes '91), and she says she agreed only because of the rule. The insight that drove it was 'I am harming myself' by being too scared to show up.

• 03

  You don't need a whole year: once a week, say yes to one thing you'd normally refuse.

  For anyone not ready for 365 days, this is her minimum experiment. Notice what changes, how you push through the discomfort and whether it was worth it. 'I think it's that easy.'

• 04

  Yes to yourself often means no to someone else.

  In the beginning she became afraid to say no in case she missed out. She then learned to 'say yes to saying no' when a yes comes from being too tired, too scared or not wanting to hurt anyone. Her test: by doing this, am I saying yes to them or yes to myself? You usually already know, and she calls the restless feeling of ignoring the answer an 'itchy brain.'

• 05

  Choosing their comfort over your happiness makes no sense.

  When Mel voiced the fear of a friend's guilt trip or passive-aggressive reaction, Rhimes asked why you'd want someone else happier than you want yourself to be. If skipping a trip would end the friendship, 'that person's not your friend' and isn't interested in your happiness. Mel ties this to research she mentions showing social rejection registers in the brain much like physical pain, which is why fitting in pulls so hard.

• 06

  Hard truths get louder once you admit them.

  Rhimes got engaged and felt suffocated in a way that terrified her. She had always pictured being a mom, never a husband. People rejoiced 'like a war had ended,' more than for any award or her three children, and she feared losing herself by sharing another piece of her brain. The hardest part was admitting it to herself and especially to him. Once a truth is revealed, she says, 'you can't ignore it'.

• 07

  Health changes stuck when she said yes to small instructions.

  She went to her doctor and said she didn't want to be fat anymore. Then she said yes to doing what the doctor told her: drinking more water and learning what hunger feels like, which she says she had never once eaten from. Mel reads her line from page 282: 127 pounds thinner, 'several toxic people lighter,' closer to family, a better mother, boss and friend.

• 08

  Accept compliments without deflecting.

  People everywhere, from fifth-graders to executives, dodge praise ('I just got this on sale') so no one thinks they like themselves too much. Rhimes says you should like yourself that much. When Mel praised her near the end, she caught herself: 'I was going to say something self-deprecating, but I'm simply going to say thank you.'

• 09

  Fear is information, not the enemy.

  In new material for the 10th-anniversary edition (page 367, among seven new chapters), she writes that fear is your body's way of saying 'pay attention, something important is happening.' Some yeses were 'magnificent disasters' that taught her more than any success did. Over time she learned to tell a yes for growth from a yes made to prove something to people whose opinions shouldn't matter.

• 10

  Believe you can change your own life.

  Asked for the single takeaway, Rhimes says people lose the belief that change is possible and conclude 'I'm stuck here.' Saying yes is how she rebuilt that belief, one uncomfortable invitation at a time.