Why Having FUN is the Secret to a Healthier Life | The Mel Robbins Podcast

KEYPOINTS

• 01

  Rule one: you don't have to spend the holidays with people who harm you

  Mel notes that searching for advice on family holidays mostly turns up tips on toxic relatives and boundaries. Her starting point is that you have permission to decline invitations involving narcissists, people who abused you or anyone who triggers your trauma. Everything else in this Thanksgiving episode is about the families you do want to see.

• 02

  Family gatherings follow a predictable slide

  Mel describes the pattern: excited emails, packing the car, big hugs, then within hours you've caught up on college, work, dating and weather and everyone's on their phone. By day two you want your friends and your routine back and you're 'ready to kill your sister.' Old roles return too: the golden child, the middle child, feeling eight again at your parents' house. She admits relatives probably find 'Aunt Mel' a loud control freak.

• 03

  Fun is a serious ingredient in strong relationships

  Mel cites relationship researchers Drs. John and Julie Gottman, whose research found that happy couples know how to have fun together, and argues the same goes for families. She lists what fun does: lowers stress, helps sleep, raises happiness and strengthens relationships. When she asks what your best family memories are, she bets they're the fun ones.

• 04

  Most of us are in a 'fun drought'

  Mel cites research figures without naming the source: 97% of people wish they had more fun, 60% of adults feel their lives are too grown-up, and 73% miss parts of childhood like birthday parties and family celebrations. Researchers, she says, call this a 'fun drought.'

• 05

  Guilt is the first reason we skip fun

  After hard years of divorce, job loss, illness or death, it can feel wrong to prioritize fun. Mel argues that having fun when someone can't be there, or has died, honors them, and that guilt shouldn't stop you.

• 06

  Fear of judgment is the second, so expect to be teased

  You will get eye-rolls when you show up with foam hats, poster board, face paint or a Wiffle ball. That's what families do. Mel's point is that they'll complain anyway, so you choose whether they grumble about politics and sore backs or about the ridiculous hat everyone is now laughing at.

• 07

  The biggest reason is that adults don't plan fun

  Childhood fun felt spontaneous, but adults planned the parties, play dates, Legos and popcorn. Now you have to plan it for the grown-ups too. Mel cites research that happy people deliberately do things that make them happy, and says fun works the same way. Weave laughter into the logistics, the way Oakley replied to a dry Thanksgiving email chain in all caps: 'PEOPLE WE ARE GONNA DESTROY THIS FEAST!'

• 08

  Recruit a 'first follower'

  One person in a turkey blazer looks odd, but two make it a party, like the second dancer on an empty dance floor. Mel calls this first follower theory and recruits her 23-year-old daughter Sawyer, the family's 'Chief Fun Officer.' Sawyer's rule: if you plan something, go 100% all in and be the most enthusiastic person there, or no one else will commit.

• 09

  Make it turnkey, with no opting out

  Sawyer says asking 'what does everyone feel like doing?' kills fun, and the day dissolves into eight Harry Potter movies, a bottle of wine and phones. Plan one activity a day that's already booked or prepped: a hike, a paddle court reserved, wreath greens already cut. Give two or three weeks' notice for costumes so no one turns up in red leggings as Santa. Avoid repeating stale ideas, which get done half-heartedly, and don't force things like pool parties that only work if people want them.