How to Get From Here to There: A Framework for Creating the Life You Want | The Mel Robbins Podcast

KEYPOINTS

• 01

  'I can do it': every word matters, and many people lack the 'it'

  Mel's Tampa keynote for her publisher Hay House, crammed together on the plane, breaks the phrase down. 'I' means you're responsible and no one is coming to save you. 'Can' means belief. 'Do' means action. 'It' is your North Star. She finds that stuck people are missing at least one of the four, and this episode is about the 'it.'

• 02

  A North Star can be anyone, and only one aspect of them

  Mel's examples are The Rock and Michelle, a fan in her late 50s whom Mel met in a hotel lobby after Michelle had just finished an Ironman-type race, training with the podcast in her ears. Mel loved her ripped arms and energy. North Stars don't have to be famous or people you know, and you can admire one slice, like a shop clerk who always smiles.

• 03

  Three steps from Kendall's USC program: emulate, assimilate, innovate

  Mel's daughter Kendall just graduated in popular music performance (vocals) from USC's Thornton School, a program she says is built on this method, credited to its founder Chris Sampson. Emulate: pick a North Star and break down what they have that you don't. Assimilate: put in the long practice to absorb it. Innovate: make something of your own. Kendall says anyone can use it, from a banker to a mom.

• 04

  Emulation means breaking your North Star into categories

  Kendall's North Stars are Sara Bareilles and Brandy. She sorted their traits into skills (songwriting, singing, instruments, arranging, producing), character (strong, fierce, advocates, collaborators) and career. That turns admiration into a concrete list. Amy notes many people stop because they don't know they're allowed to pick a North Star, or because 'I'll never be like The Rock' feels final.

• 05

  Say 'want,' not 'need'

  When Mel says 'need,' Kendall corrects her: 'need' implies you're lacking something, while 'want' frames it as something to gain, which she finds more motivating. In the same spirit she rejects calling it 'the gap.' The space between you and your North Star is the road you get to travel, and Mel likens each step to lighting up a lily pad you keep.

• 06

  Assimilation is the 10,000-hour montage, and the best part

  Kendall calls assimilation 'the music montage moment,' like an ice skater at the rink at 6 a.m. day after day. For her it meant four years of classes, lessons and singing 'a hundred million songs.' It's the longest phase, and she says you discover parts of yourself you never knew existed along the way.

• 07

  No clear North Star? Declare what you're graduating from

  For goals like dating, health or money, Kendall suggests imagining your future self (how she wakes up, talks, eats, moves) and breaking that down, or picking someone from a magazine. Mel wanted to graduate from the money fear she'd carried since she and Chris nearly went bankrupt over 15 years earlier. Once she decided, North Stars appeared: Ramit Sethi came on the show, and a weekend with more successful business-owner friends showed her what she hadn't learned yet.

• 08

  It's a circle, not a finish line

  Kendall pushes back on the idea of 'becoming' your North Star: you'll never be Sara or Brandy, and the process restarts every time you innovate. The cycle also happens inside each step. North Stars are 'a directional signal, not a destination,' which she says is why Motown artists and top scientists keep working. Mel ties feeling lost to having stopped creating and growing.