What Every Dad Should Know: Lessons From Literary Legend James Patterson

KEYPOINTS

• 01

  Many dads feel lost, and fathering starts with believing you're lovable.

  James Patterson, who has sold 400 million books and has 67 number one New York Times bestsellers, says many men are overwhelmed and no longer the breadwinner they expected to be. What changed him was realizing he could love someone deeply and that 'this core guy is actually lovable.' He believes that if more men got there, they would have better lives, and so would their kids and partners.

• 02

  Being a parent is the most important job you'll ever have.

  Patterson says that looking back, nothing else compares. Simply realizing that, and letting it drive you, is in his view the most important thing a person can do. He wrote his dad book to be read in about an hour because 'a lot of guys will not read the 400-page book,' and he calls compressing information one of his gifts.

• 03

  'Be there': attention, not just showing up.

  One of his writing tricks is a note at the top of the page that says 'Be there,' meaning put the reader in the scene. He applies the same to parenting. Life is full of distractions, from the internet and Netflix to Zoom calls with the in-laws and the NFL draft. You can't always give full attention, but whenever you can, set other thoughts aside. To a kid spotting you in the audience at a school show, 'you're the miracle.'

• 04

  Saying 'I love you' is a strength, not a weakness.

  Patterson's only memory of hugging his father is on his father's deathbed. His message to the 'I'm not an I love you kind of guy' dad: 'Says who? Who passed that law? Your dad. Your dad's dad.' You can change at least a little, and say it often enough that kids stop groaning when you hug or kiss them. He and Mel ended by saying it to each other.

• 05

  Help your child be fully themselves, not 'so-and-so's kid.'

  Patterson and his wife Sue focused most on making their son Jack comfortable being Jack, accepting that who he was at 12 could change. With famous-adjacent classmates at prep school and college, Jack's friends who didn't lean on their parents' status were the healthy ones, Patterson says.

• 06

  Make a plan for your life the way you outline a novel, but stay open.

  Patterson writes 50–70-page outlines, unlike writers such as Michael Connelly and David Baldacci who don't. He isn't a slave to them, though; sometimes he decides a villain he meant to kill off should come back. He says life works the same: have a plan, don't obsess over it, and be open to change.

• 07

  Aim for better, not perfect.

  Patterson's test for a hard day is whether today is better than yesterday in some way, even if a lot isn't working. He encourages dads to argue with the book, cross things out and star what works, since picking up two to four useful ideas is a win.

• 08

  The messy years go fast.

  Legos on the floor and diapers to change are hard. Patterson says that 15 or 20 years later 'you'd give a million dollars to have that experience back.' His book includes a funny chapter on changing diapers ('hold your nose') and a more poignant one on how quickly it all passes.

• 09

  Read to your kids, and know that early reading is in crisis.

  He and Sue fund literacy work. He says reading aloud boosts brain power and gives kids new worlds, though he admits it isn't everyone's thing. He argues many schools adopted reading methods that don't work, and says fewer than half of kids are reading well in many states, including Massachusetts.