The Science of Achieving Goals: How to Change Your Life in 5 Simple Steps

KEYPOINTS

• 01

  Take back control by putting one meaningful thing into your week

  In this solo episode Mel lays out five rules for setting and reaching a personal goal: lose weight, start meditating, sell your art, pay off debt, go back to school, write the book. The point isn't a huge overhaul. She wants you to pick something that matters to you and fit it into your life now, because each week you do that, life gets a little better. She calls the rules the skills nobody teaches but everybody needs.

• 02

  Rule 1: Decide what you want and write it down

  It sounds obvious, but Mel says almost everyone skips it because they manage goals in their heads, and 'you can't hit a target that you don't see.' She recalls Oprah being asked why so many people get stuck; Oprah's answer was that most people never take the time to get clear about what they want. Excuses like no time, exhaustion or the state of the world keep goals vague. Write the specific goal on paper, for example 'this week I'm adding meditation.'

• 03

  Rule 2: Fire your family

  Expecting your family to be your biggest cheering squad is, in Mel's words, the biggest mistake you can make. Your goals are for you, not them, and if they've never done what you're attempting they'll often ask 'What are you doing? Why?' Firing them means not needing their approval or support to keep going. It doesn't mean cutting them off.

• 04

  You don't have to go it alone: build a team that shares the goal

  After you're clear and doing it for yourself, ask 'If I did this with a team, what could that look like?' Mel spent two years getting clear before recording her first podcast episode: she wanted longer conversations with listeners and to learn from experts. Supportive peers, groups or collaborators can replace the cheerleading you wanted from family.

• 05

  Rule 3: You need a will and a way

  Mel bases this on the work of psychologist Dr. Elliot Berkman, co-director of the Center for Translational Neuroscience at the University of Oregon, who says any goal or change requires two things: the will and the way. Mel translates 'will' as your why. Without both, goals stall, which she says explains her own past struggles to stick with goals.

• 06

  A personal why taps intrinsic motivation

  When you know why something matters to you, it draws on intrinsic motivation, which she calls the purest form because it comes from inside you. Your why can be different from the obvious one: her husband's meditation circle wasn't really about meditating, it was about community. Your why is personal and can change over time.

• 07

  The 'way' should be your way, broken into small bricks

  There are many routes to the same goal. Mel's image is building a path one brick at a time: brainstorm small actions that fit your life and personality, then lay one at a time, day after day, week after week.

• 08

  Rule 4: The 'Hot 15'

  Spend 15 minutes on it, daily if you can, weekly if that's all you've got. The first bricks can be absurdly small, because you're building the routine of starting and the identity of being 'the kind of person who' does this. If you can find time to doomscroll, you can find 15 minutes: in a doctor's waiting room, on the subway, or first thing in the morning.

• 09

  Rule 5: Don't quit; consistency beats intensity

  There's no deadline and it isn't a race; the only way to lose is to stop coming back. Mel cites Angela Duckworth (University of Pennsylvania psychologist, author of Grit), who told her that grit 'doesn't look like intensity, it looks like consistency.' Consistency doesn't mean never missing a day. It means coming back after illness, injury, a breakup or a bad day, the way elite performers do.