Five Ways I’m Finding Hope and Strength Right Now | The Mel Robbins Podcast

KEYPOINTS

• 01

  Feeling lost in dark times is common, but you aren't actually lost or alone.

  Mel recorded this in October 2023, while travelling for work and feeling overwhelmed, sad and horrified by the news of war and violence. Her own first reaction to that kind of darkness, she says, is paralysis: she gets stuck, angry and drained. Her message is that even when you feel deeply afraid, you're not alone, because you're with yourself and many people care about you. She adds that you're not truly paralyzed either: there are small things you can do to get through the storm.

• 02

  The support you need sometimes comes from a stranger.

  Mel's starting point is a driver named Ernest who lifted her spirits when she arrived exhausted and heartbroken. She suggests staying open to strangers who may give you exactly the connection you need without either of you planning it, and remembering that you can be that stranger for someone else. As she points out, everyone you love was once a stranger.

• 03

  A lighthouse shines for everyone within reach.

  The image at the centre of the episode is the lighthouse. Its single job is to keep shining so ships can find their way home, and it doesn't choose which ships get the light. Mel describes each person's 'light' as their humanity: compassion, the ability to laugh, love, hug, listen and care. She says that's why your heart breaks when you see innocent people suffer, and reminds herself that civilians caught in war are victims and not their governments.

• 04

  Helping someone else is often the fastest way to lift yourself.

  When she feels low, Mel's first move is to help someone. Even if you can barely get out of bed, she argues that is exactly when to try. She says research repeatedly finds that helping others feels good and does you good. It breaks the echo chamber of fear in your head, shifts your perspective on your own situation and reminds you that you have more power than you think. Small acts count, like running an errand, staffing a hotline or checking on family.

• 05

  Be gentle with yourself, because collective stress gets into your body.

  Mel quotes Dr. Thema Bryant, a recent guest: whatever is happening out there is happening in here too. You absorb the stress of people around you even when you turn the news off. Signs it's affecting you include trouble concentrating or sleeping, more procrastination, feeling on edge, or sliding into a sense that nothing matters. Her view is that you need to look after yourself first in order to lift anyone else up.

• 06

  Watching more news doesn't mean you care more.

  Drawing on Dr. Bryant's advice, Mel separates staying informed from flooding yourself. She doesn't watch or listen to the news; she reads it, so she can stay informed while protecting her mental health. She urges people to avoid staring at traumatic images and to show they care through what they do rather than what they consume.

• 07

  Meet darkness with its opposite.

  Mel's final practice is a mindset: when she sees despair she responds with hope, sorrow with love and agitation with kindness. Thinking of herself as a lighthouse shining in every direction helps her rise above her own heaviness and take action. If you don't know what else to do, she says, just smile at people, say hello and reach out to friends.

• 08

  Turn toward people instead of away from them.

  Mel argues that when people around the world are suffering, we aren't really strangers. Pulling back from one another feeds the darkness. Leading with humanity, even in a passing moment at a stoplight or in a grocery store, is something anyone can do right away.