How to Stop Doubting Yourself & Get Anything You Want in Life

KEYPOINTS

• 01

  Ask yourself 'Who better than me?'

  Will Packer, producer of 10 number-one films including Ride Along, Girls Trip, Stomp the Yard and Straight Outta Compton, uses this four-word question daily. Mel notes the question assumes its own answer. Will calls it a challenge: you aren't asking someone else whether you deserve it, you're daring yourself to name anyone who deserves it more. In his experience, the most successful people don't have rare talent. They believe they deserve success and that it's coming, even when it hasn't come yet.

• 02

  It's never too late, because the third act decides the movie

  Hollywood wisdom says audiences judge a film by how they feel at the end. Will compares it to life: act one gets attention, act two builds investment, act three brings it home. Many people in their second or third act still judge themselves on act one. Mel adds that if you don't like how your story feels, you're not at the end yet.

• 03

  Healthy arrogance means knowing you belong in any room

  Will separates it from toxic arrogance ('I'm better than everyone'). Healthy arrogance is quiet, inner confidence in what's unique about you, plus the belief that the room is better because you're in it. Mel notes it rests on your presence, not your skill, which makes it useful for people with impostor syndrome.

• 04

  Confidence is a muscle, not a personality trait

  Will says nothing in his upbringing suggested success was in the cards. He built belief deliberately and lets 'what if I succeed?' outshout 'what if I fail?' He acknowledges fear, depression and anxiety are real for everyone. Every morning he holds a 'Will Packer pep rally' in the mirror, partly because it may be the only encouragement he hears all day, and partly because his own voice is the one that matters most.

• 05

  Create momentum on purpose

  If the goal is to climb a mountain, step one is buying climbing shoes and step two is driving by the mountain. Count each small win: slow progress is still progress. Will says this tricks your brain into seeing a cycle of positivity.

• 06

  Keep the main thing the main thing, and sometimes that's you

  In 30 years of producing, Will says he has never gotten a call that everything on set was fine. He handles only the fire burning brightest. Sometimes the brightest fire is you, because if you're not okay you can't help anyone. On some days your dream is the main thing, even while the kids, job and house call out 'what about me?'

• 07

  Bring people into your dream by listening to theirs

  Will says people's favorite subject is themselves. When you listen for what matters to them, you often find overlap with your goal. 'Don't take a me versus them mentality. Take a we and an us.' He says this takes being flexible, not rigid, about how your idea gets made. Rejections become information too: every no tells you what the other side actually needs.

• 08

  Disasters aren't failures, so ask what you can control

  Quoting Rudyard Kipling's poem 'If', Will treats triumph and disaster as impostors and keeps an even keel, because panic makes you useless. When the unexpected happens, ask what you can control and focus on the biggest fire.

• 09

  Be a doer, not a talker, and beware 'preparation paralysis'

  Will was told 'be a doer, not a talker' as an intern, when handing producer Warrington Hudlin a VHS of his student film made Hudlin take him seriously. He says an idea is like perfect shoes at the start of a marathon: nothing counts until you run the 26.2 miles. You'll never be fully prepared, so get as ready as you can and go. He also says to define success for yourself.