If You Only Watch One Video Today, Make It This One

KEYPOINTS

• 01

  Two foundations: take responsibility and choose your thoughts

  Emma Grede, co-founder of Good American, a Shark Tank judge and on Forbes' self-made women list, calls her career a blueprint for what happens when you take responsibility for yourself and manage your thoughts carefully. She frames it as a constant practice of being the woman she wants to be. She adds that you won't "manifest your way out of anything": vision has to be paired with hard work, and "there is no secret."

• 02

  Let go of blame that isn't serving you

  Grede grew up somewhere she says blame was part of the culture, and she had anger issues she has worked on in therapy since 19. She acknowledges real reasons to be angry — she's a woman, Black and grew up poor — but asks whether what you're holding on to is working for you. Her way out was acceptance: "This is what it is, and I'm still going to move forward." Things fell into place around 19, when she realized "nobody owes you nothing."

• 03

  "How you do anything is how you do everything"

  Her core principle is excellence in small things. When she made deli sandwiches, she made the best sandwich; packing clothes at a PR agency, her tissue was perfect and the sticker centered. That pride, she says, has an "invisible magnetic pull" that draws people to you. Mel connects it to Terry Crews, who, broke after the NFL and working as a custodian, asked himself how he'd sweep the floor if paid a million dollars.

• 04

  Excellence is internal; perfectionism is external

  Grede says everyone has a different measuring stick, so define excellence by your own standard, not social media's — "it's you against you." Mel's distillation: perfectionism measures what others will think; excellence measures whether your effort is good enough for you. Grede adds that perfectionism comes at women from every angle, and the danger is letting it get inside.

• 05

  Talk to yourself like a good friend

  Citing her friend Diane von Furstenberg's idea that your most important relationship is with yourself, Grede says your inner voice must be kind, compassionate and empathetic. When a friend messes up you say "let's talk about what happened," not "you silly cow" — do the same for yourself after mistakes.

• 06

  The rule of thirds

  If you're chasing something hard, expect to feel happy about a third of the time, so-so a third, and terrible a third. Grede uses it almost daily: bad days mean you're on track, not failing, and good days call for humility. Mel jokes it also describes a marriage.

• 07

  If you don't know your passion, pursue yourself

  Grede says you need something to strive for, but it doesn't have to be grand: work on eating better, exercising and building habits. She quotes Warren Buffett, "the more you learn, the more you earn," and says despite severe dyslexia, not diagnosed until her early 20s, she's always gobbling up information.

• 08

  Your 20s are for trying things

  Looking at friends now in their 40s, she sees a line between those who took risks and worked hard in their 20s and those who kept partying. Her arc: try things in your 20s, put in hard work in your 30s, become proficient enough in your 40s to choose. People overestimate a year and underestimate a decade. At 42, she says she has only loved her work for about five years.

• 09

  What you're good at gives you energy

  Grede's test for strengths: if something energizes you, you're good at it; if it drains you, you're not. Contract negotiations, even bad ones, set her on fire; a spreadsheet of numbers makes her want to die. Lean into strengths instead of chasing an abstract passion or purpose.

• 10

  Your real network is the people around the work

  Stop waiting for networking events or a mentor. Grede's capital came from former clients, and her early advice came from questions asked after client pitches. Your network is your factory, vendors, banker and lawyer. Also, "if you can't take out your phone and show someone a photo of the thing you did, you haven't done anything."