How to Stop Negative Thoughts & Reset Your Mind for Positive Thinking

KEYPOINTS

• 01

  Negative spirals are normal, not a sign something's wrong with you

  Psychologist and neuroscientist Dr. Ethan Kross, who directs the Emotion and Self-Control Lab at the University of Michigan and wrote Chatter and Shift, opens with this: worry, rumination and an active inner critic are part of the human condition. We evolved negative emotions for a reason, and in the right proportions they're useful. He flags one line: if the volume is very high and it lasts more than about two weeks, that moves toward clinical territory.

• 02

  Your inner voice is a multi-purpose tool

  Kross describes self-talk as silently using language to reflect on your life, and lists four functions: verbal working memory (repeating a phone number or grocery list), simulating and planning (rehearsing a talk, mentally packing for a trip), self-control and motivation, and making meaning — building the story of who you are after rejection or conflict. He cites one study estimating we talk to ourselves at the equivalent of 4,000 words a minute.

• 03

  "Chatter" is the inner voice turned against you

  Kross defines chatter as negative thought looping, and names three common forms: rumination (replaying the past without progress), worry ("what if" loops about the future) and self-berating ("you idiot, you're worthless"). It hurts thinking and performance because it soaks up the limited attention resources of the prefrontal cortex, strains relationships and undermines health.

• 04

  We're wired to weigh the bad more heavily

  Kross points to the "negativity bias" — a favorite paper title of his is "Bad Is Stronger Than Good" — and to Nobel Prize–winning work showing people are more sensitive to losses than gains. That makes evolutionary sense, but nobody teaches us how to right the ship once the oversensitivity takes over.

• 05

  There's no single fix; build a personal toolkit

  In large studies tracking daily COVID anxiety against about 18 coping tools, no single tool moved the needle on its own; combinations did. Kross compares it to a gym: you learn the machines, then find the routine that fits you. If a tool backfires for you, drop it and use another.

• 06

  Distanced self-talk: coach yourself by name

  Using your own name and "you" — "Come on, Ethan, you've got this" — shifts you into advice-giving mode. Kross ties it to "Solomon's Paradox," studied in his lab: like the wise biblical king who made poor personal choices, we're better at advising others than ourselves. "You" is the verbal equivalent of pointing at someone else, which puts guardrails on your self-talk and moves you from threat to challenge.

• 07

  Mental time travel shrinks the moment

  Ask how you'll feel about this next week, next year or in ten years; most emotions follow a time course and fade, and remembering that gives hope. Kross's other version goes backward: he pictures his grandmother surviving the Nazis' murder of their family in World War II. When Mel asks what happens if that comparison feeds self-shaming, Kross says to keep the spotlight on what the other person endured and use it as motivation — or switch tools.

• 08

  Order around you compensates for chaos inside

  Rituals and tidying create "compensatory control": when chatter makes you feel out of control, you exert control over your surroundings. Rituals are rigid sequences done the same way every time, like grieving rituals or athletes' pre-game habits. Kross, messy when happy, cleans dishes and his kids' rooms when stressed. His caveat: rituals become harmful if you over-rely on them.

• 09

  Your environment can lower the volume

  In Kross's research, looking at a photo of a loved one after recalling a painful experience sped recovery, so he filled his offices with family photos. Walks in safe green space capture attention gently, letting it rest and restore. Nature can also trigger awe, which "shrinks the self" and your problems with it.

• 10

  Journaling worked alone, but people rarely do it

  Journaling was the one tool in the COVID study that reduced anxiety by itself, yet it was the least used, probably because it takes effort and feels vulnerable. Kross's prompt: write your deepest thoughts and feelings about what's bothering you for 15–20 minutes, ignoring grammar. A story's beginning-middle-end structure helps organize the jumble.