9 Small Things That Will Help You Feel Amazing Again

KEYPOINTS

• 01

  "Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right" works because belief controls whether you act at all

  Mel borrows the line from her grandmother and walks it through a job search: if you believe you can't get a better job, you won't update your résumé or LinkedIn, reach out to college friends or ask your parents' friends for introductions. The belief doesn't predict the outcome so much as cause it, by stopping the effort. Flip it to "I think I can" and you open the door to optimism, hope and resilience, which makes you willing to try, and the results come from the trying.

• 02

  To get eight hours of sleep, plan for nine hours in bed

  Mel admits she spent her life climbing into bed at 10 p.m. and setting a 6 a.m. alarm, then wondering why she never got eight hours. Sleep researcher Dr. Rebecca Robbins of Brigham and Women's Hospital told her that falling asleep is a process, not a switch, and even a healthy sleeper with no problems takes about 15 to 20 minutes to drift off. Budgeting nine hours covers that lag, and if you fall asleep fast you simply have spare time in the morning.

• 03

  The 5-10-20 rule makes morning-light advice easy to follow in any weather

  Getting outdoor light into your eyes soon after waking resets your circadian rhythm and helps you sleep that night, but most people stall on how long and what if it's raining. Mel's shorthand: bank five minutes outside if it's sunny, 10 if it's cloudy, and 20 if it's rainy or if you can only sit by a window. She remembers it as the fives, tens and twenties in the cash envelope she dropped in the bank's night deposit box after closing shifts as a waitress and barback.

• 04

  A short walk helps with almost any problem because it changes you, not the problem

  Mel jokes that a little walk solves 93% of your problems, a playful number rather than a statistic. Her point is that walking quickly shifts your mood, clears your head and puts space between you and a wave of emotion, so you come back able to choose a response instead of reacting.

• 05

  Stop talking, because you learn while listening and not every conversation needs your input

  Mel says she has spent much of her life feeling she had to weigh in on everything and get the last word, especially at work and with family. She frames silence as growth (input is how you learn) and as protection: not everything deserves a response and not everyone deserves an explanation. In a tense argument, stop talking and lower your voice, which signals you're in control. She is clear this is not the silent treatment.

• 06

  Put things where they belong, not back where you found them

  Pitched especially to people who struggle with ADHD or clutter, the rule is to move anything out of place to its proper home the moment you notice it, which usually takes under a minute. Doing this one item at a time, in every room, stops small piles from turning into what Mel calls a gigantic volcano of stuff.

• 07

  Wait a week before any impulse purchase over about $100

  A cooling-off period lets you rise above the thrill and instant gratification of buying without shaming yourself or saying "I can't afford that." Mel blames social platforms that have become 24/7 shopping networks. She adds a second rule of thumb: if you can't afford to buy it twice, you can't afford to buy it once. Mel's own Amazon cart is full of items parked under this rule for months; once the urge fades she realises she doesn't need them.

• 08

  Noticing the colour of someone's eyes is a simple way to practise eye contact

  Mel struggled with eye contact, which she calls a common ADHD symptom, and worried that her darting eyes looked disrespectful or dishonest. Looking for someone's eye colour gives you a reason to hold their gaze and something real to compliment, without staring creepily. She says research shows eye contact with small nods signals that you're listening and care.

• 09

  Deliberately smiling can lift your mood a little, but it's not a fix for real distress

  Mel compares it to fixing her posture, and says she now catches her resting face looking serious or mad. You don't have to force a smile during a breakdown, grief or depression, but on ordinary days pulling the corners of your mouth toward your ears is a small nudge that helps.