“I Can’t Stop Stalking My Ex Online. How Do I Stop?” How To Move On For Good | Mel Robbins Podcast

KEYPOINTS

• 01

  Treat checking an ex's social media like an addiction: block them everywhere

  Listener Patty admitted she still checks her ex's feeds seven years after the split. Mel's blunt answer: you're chasing a dopamine hit from curiosity, then stalking, then feeling bad, the same build-up-and-crash loop as drinking or gambling. Because you can't trust yourself, take away access. A quick search on air confirmed that once you block someone you can't see their profile, so block them on every platform.

• 02

  Recruit friends to protect the boundary

  Mel says to tell friends you've blocked your ex and ask them not to show you posts or bring the person up. Her core line: when your past is in your present, you can't create a different future, and seven years of watching is why Patty doesn't have the future she wants.

• 03

  The biggest mental health gains often come from the neck down

  Asked what she'd adopted from 100 episodes, Mel says experts repeatedly point to physical habits and nervous-system care. Hers: get straight out of bed, make it, get outside into bright light to reset her circadian rhythm, and walk without listening to anything.

• 04

  Mel sees signs and synchronicities as evidence of a greater force

  Asked whether she believes in God, Mel says she believes in a higher power she can't define, in a good force connecting everyone, and in signs (a song, a squirrel crossing the road, unexpected connections) that suggest you're on the right path. Her team calls this 'the portal is open.' It takes courage to believe you're meant for something and the clarity to notice these signs.

• 05

  Mel's view of death: being born into another world

  She stresses she doesn't know, but compares it to a baby in the womb, warm and safe with food on tap, with no concept of the world it's about to be born into. She thinks death may be the same. Raised Methodist, she views Jesus as a historical figure and believes the ability to connect with something deeper lies inside each person.

• 06

  Pushy parents of your kids' friends are usually acting from insecurity

  In late elementary and middle school, friend packs splinter, and one parent often lobbies to get their child invited to the three-person sleepover. Mel argues this pushes a child where they're not wanted, and that you'd be better off helping your kid meet people who are better friends. With the parent, be direct: you won't arrange your kids' friendships, and no one is obligated to invite everyone.

• 07

  After a baby, lead with affection and conversation, not sex

  To Skip, who feels neglected after his wife gave birth, Mel says intimacy doesn't require penetration. Birth is a major physical event, and new mothers may fear pain, torn stitches or another pregnancy, and may feel unsexy or have the baby blues. Once she's healed, try a bath together or foot rubs, say you miss her, and ask how you can be close in ways that don't hurt or worry her.

• 08

  Promoting your business is an act of service

  To Amarie, embarrassed to market her business, Mel says hiding it out of fear of what friends think is selfish, because people who need you can't find you. If describing your work honestly sounds like bragging, that means you're that good.

• 09

  Consuming personal-development content isn't doing the work

  For someone doing 'all the work' and still feeling unworthy, Mel suggests it may have become entertainment, as it once was for her. Real work means changing habits, examining childhood patterns behind unworthiness, and caring for your nervous system with things like cold exposure and vagus nerve toning. Worth, like love, is created internally and won't come from a job or a partner.