How to Shape Your Identity & Goals | Dr. Maya Shankar

KEYPOINTS

• 01

  Anchor your identity to why you do things, not what you do

  Shankar, a cognitive scientist and host of A Slight Change of Plans, introduced herself as a violinist first and Maya second until a torn hand tendon ended her career hopes as a teenager. Defining herself by the 'what' left her with nothing when it disappeared. Stripping the violin down to its core, she found that what she loved was emotional connection, which runs through her academic work, her White House role and her podcast.

• 02

  Identity foreclosure and identity paralysis

  Identity foreclosure is when parents, peers and culture impose a path on you early, narrowing what you think you can do; asking children 'what' rather than 'who' they want to be reinforces it. Identity paralysis is the stuck, disoriented state that follows when an identity is suddenly lost, where you cannot even imagine a future. Her remedy is to find your 'throughline': the underlying features of what you loved, and new places to express them.

• 03

  We hate uncertainty more than bad outcomes

  Shankar cites studies where people were more stressed by a 50% chance of an electric shock than by a 100% certain one. Change brings uncertainty, so people cling to a suboptimal status quo. Reducing your 'need for cognitive closure', the drive for clear, definitive answers, and becoming more open to mystery and awe is linked in research to greater well-being and resilience through change.

• 04

  The end-of-history illusion distorts how we predict change

  Dan Gilbert's work shows people readily admit they changed a lot over the past decade but assume who they are now is who they will stay. So we imagine our present selves facing a future diagnosis or move, forgetting that change will change us. Shankar recommends auditing yourself during a big change, because effects spill into every area of life.

• 05

  Awe requires vastness and a need to update your model of the world

  Drawing on Dacher Keltner at UC Berkeley, awe needs perceived vastness, physical or conceptual (Times Square, or a book about the mind), plus a 'need for accommodation': fitting new information into your existing model of the world. That updating is what opens the mind. Awe can also be negative.

• 06

  Framing goals as approach rather than avoidance is usually more motivating

  'Eat healthier foods' is an approach goal; 'avoid junk food' is an avoidance goal. Succeeding at an approach goal brings pride and boosts motivation and perseverance, while succeeding at an avoidance goal brings mere relief. Approach goals are also easier to measure, since you can count salads but not cookies resisted. Some people, Shankar notes, are genuinely more driven by fear.

• 07

  Owning the goal fuels motivation

  Citing Ayelet Fishbach (University of Chicago) and research showing people prefer their own judgment over a better-performing algorithm that excludes them, Shankar says goals set by others undercut agency. With a coach or boss, ask for a set of options and choose your own targets, for example whether today is heavy deadlifts or squats.

• 08

  Motivation sags in the middle of a goal

  Motivation peaks at the start and rises again near the finish (the goal-gradient effect), with a lull in between. Because you cannot eliminate middles, shorten them by setting weekly rather than annual goals.

• 09

  The peak–end rule shapes whether you come back

  Per Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky, we remember experiences mostly by their most intense moment and their ending. In cold-water and colonoscopy studies, adding a few slightly less unpleasant minutes made people rate the whole experience better, and colonoscopy patients were more likely to return for follow-ups. Applied to a brutal workout, end with a few slightly easier minutes. If you love intensity, finishing hard may work better for you.