Feeling Lost or Behind in Life? The #1 Happiness Expert Explains How to Find Your Purpose

KEYPOINTS

• 01

  What the happiness research points to is small, repeated moments, not big life overhauls.

  Dr. Dacher Keltner, a UC Berkeley psychologist and founding director of the Greater Good Science Center, says the science of happiness 'exploded' over the past 30–40 years. Money and circumstances 'matter a little' (living in a democracy, having a healthy body), but what you can do right now is collect little moments of joy, beauty, laughter, gratitude, awe, love and kindness. Even five minutes a week savoring something beautiful helps.

• 02

  Purpose comes from realizing 'this is in me and I'm serving some part of the world through it.'

  For Keltner, purpose isn't a job title. He realized his was to teach (he comes from a long line of teachers). Once you see what you're serving through your actions, he says, purpose brings power and agency. He wants room for every kind of calling, including the struggling actress and the carpenter (his dad was one), not just perfectionistic achievement.

• 03

  The first step out of feeling lost is asking questions, not changing careers.

  He asks: What really inspired me as a child? Who inspires me, in my life or in history? What are my core strengths and values? He stresses 'this isn't about your career.' It's about where you come alive, even if that isn't what you do most of the day. Mel points out he didn't say to quit your job or adopt a 17-step morning routine. Just put a little of that into this weekend.

• 04

  Your early inspirations work like a compass.

  Drawing on narrative psychology ('we are stories, almost like books'), Keltner says the people and moments that moved you early point to what you care about. They can guide friendships, volunteer work, what you pursue, even which film you choose. He recalls the Dalai Lama telling a 2003 panel he was on that 'kindness is a basic state of human nature.'

• 05

  When you're exhausted or purposeless, go back to kindness.

  He says nearly every ethical tradition, from Confucianism to the Abrahamic faiths to modern philosophy, starts there. Practice it walking through the city, helping someone across the street, at work. He notes 30–40% of Americans volunteer. In his account, gratitude, beauty and kindness engage the vagus nerve, which calms the body and supports healthy immune function, and they involve dopamine, which he links to energy and purpose.

• 06

  Awe is the feeling of meeting something vast you can't immediately understand, and it's easy to study.

  His lab produces awe with music, big trees, national parks, art museums and thinking about inspiring people, then measures self-reports, brain activity, goosebumps and vagus nerve activity. He says it's 'actually pretty tractable' in the lab, despite people assuming it can't be measured.

• 07

  In awe, the brain's 'ego network' quiets and the body shifts toward connection.

  His description: the default mode network, where to-do lists, goals and self-focus live, deactivates, so 'your ego is no longer hassling' you. The vagus nerve slows your heart rate and makes you feel connected. There's 'a little bit of evidence' that oxytocin is released. Immune function improves, and your mind gets quiet and widens to the bigger picture.

• 08

  A minute of awe a day is his top recommendation.

  He tells audiences of doctors and nurses there's 'nothing better for your mind and body than a minute of awe a day.' He says it reduces depression, anxiety and daily stress, lowers exhaustion and loneliness, and increases energy and purpose. His recipe: pause, put away your devices, take a deep breath, and look for one of the 'eight wonders' his research found around the world.

• 09

  The fearful story is always only part of the story.

  He acknowledges stress is higher and young people are struggling. He has followed the data for 35–40 years. Citing Thich Nhat Hanh, he says that if you pause you can still smell the flowers, hear children laughing and see the light in someone's eyes. Mel connects this to the line that the good in your life depends on your ability to see it.