8 Truths About College That Nobody Tells You

KEYPOINTS

• 01

  'Don't let studying get in the way of your education'

  Mel's dad said this to her in the parking lot when her parents dropped her at college in 1986, after an 18-hour drive from Michigan. She first thought it was permission to party. He meant college teaches life skills no textbook can: being with yourself, advocating for yourself, meeting people, doing embarrassing things and moving forward. All eight truths, gathered with her daughters (24 and 25) and shared with her son Oakley at drop-off, are lessons from that 'education of life.'

• 02

  Truth 1: If you're bored, you're doing college right

  Even once classes start, you'll have days with five free hours and whole Saturdays with no plan, especially in the first couple of months. That's normal during a big change. The mistake is defaulting to your dorm room and phone. When you're bored, walk out: try a new café or dining hall, read the event posters, go to free swim hours, watch a team practice, or sit in the back of a lecture. Mel says graduates most often regret not exploring.

• 03

  Truth 2: College changes how it feels to be in your body

  Mel compares the first month to jumping into an ice-cold pool: new smells, lighting, bed, roommate, communal bathroom, food, weather and sleep schedule overload every sense. Everyone deals with it differently, but everyone tries to look like they have it together. That weird feeling often turns into 'I'm at the wrong school.' Her answer: you're not in the wrong place; you're just not used to it yet, and within about a month it settles.

• 04

  The hack: a morning routine that moves your body

  Without a routine, your day starts by chance: wake up feeling off, scroll, rot in bed, wait for your roommate to decide what to do. Instead, pick one thing you do every morning that gets you out the door and moving: a walk, the gym, a workout class, or a meditation in your headphones on the way to breakfast. Mel calls it the fastest way for your body to adjust to the new environment.

• 05

  Truth 3: The change is fast, so go slow

  Many students with newfound freedom drink far too much that first month because they can't handle the change. The night Oakley moved in, he texted his sisters that ambulances came to his dorm all night for students who had drunk too much; neither sister was surprised. Mel's message: you have four years of freedom, so slow down.

• 06

  Slow down on hookups too

  Her daughters stressed this repeatedly, for all genders. Emotions and hormones run high in the first weeks, and upperclassmen offering attention are usually after someone new. People aren't acting like themselves while they process change, so you're not hooking up with who they really are, and you may end up sitting next to them in Spanish class or seeing them date someone across the hall.

• 07

  Truth 4: Take a flexible approach to friendship

  It can seem as if everyone clicked into a group instantly, often through roommates, orientation, or shared backgrounds like camps and prep schools. People cling to others because it feels safe. Mel says those fast friend groups usually don't last; your friends may look different sophomore, junior and senior year, and finding your people can take two or three years. Let people come and go, and don't grip.

• 08

  Inclusion creates more friendships

  Invite the quiet roommate to lunch instead of worrying they'll hurt your chances of meeting others. In Mel's words, exclusion creates toxicity and expectation limits invitations. Her daughters saw friends lock into rigid freshman groups and four-year rooming plans that turned toxic, leaving them dreading sophomore year.

• 09

  Truth 5: Your best college experience is at your college

  Stop watching high school friends' party highlights, tailgates and big-school games, then deciding your school is worse. Stop clinging to your high school friends and partner. Mel says every hour spent feeling bad over someone else's posts destroys about ten hours of fun you could be having on your own campus.

• 10

  Truth 6: Do things alone

  Go to the club meeting, the info session, lunch in the cafeteria or intramural tryouts without a friend, and introduce yourself without a roommate standing there 'like a little blankie.' Mel says it's better to show up alone: you learn to trust you can handle it, and the confidence carries into your career.

• 11

  Truth 7: You're not stuck

  Nobody will create your experience for you. If your roommate is toxic, messy, never gets up, or keeps their partner over, you can change roommates. You can change classes and majors too. Talk to your RA, adviser, dean or a professor; they're paid to help. Mel calls transferring because of a roommate a cop-out, and suggests giving it a year and steering before you jump ship.

• 12

  Truth 8: Every year of college is different

  Each fall brings new housing, a new class of freshmen, new routines, and friends leaving for study abroad or internships. You may feel the same overwhelm, weirdness and boredom as a sophomore or senior. Mel says that's the real lesson: life keeps changing, people come and go, and you can ride it.