How to Build the Life You Want (Even When You Feel Overloaded, Exhausted, & Uncertain)

KEYPOINTS

• 01

  Adjust the 'limiter' on your imagination

  Kellie Gerardi, an astronaut and bioastronautics researcher, says ordinary people can make themselves capable of extraordinary things, and it's never too late. Take your current vision board and zoom out 30, 50 or 100 times; the only one applying the limit is you. Ask: if every limitation were removed and everything went right, what would my life look like? Mel adds: who made up the rules anyway?

• 02

  Get close to what you want, even in the humblest role

  Fascinated by space as a student in New York, she took a coat-check job at the Explorers Club. Its members were first to the North Pole, the South Pole, the Moon's surface and the deepest point of the ocean, and she hoped some of it would 'rub off by osmosis'. Mel's takeaway: get as close as you can to what interests you, paid or not.

• 03

  Give 150% to unglamorous work and you design your reputation

  She treated coat check seriously, with a system, remembering names and staying organised, because you must 'seek the important work, not just the glamorous work'. It showed follow-through, attention to detail and readiness for more responsibility. Mel's version: 'How you do anything is how you do everything.'

• 04

  When you hit a brick wall, change the approach, not the goal

  She applies this from her career to her personal life. Through dashed hopes and failures she keeps the destination fixed and keeps changing tactics.

• 05

  'Why not me?' is quiet confidence, not entitlement

  She has trained her inner monologue to ask 'If I work hard enough for long enough, why not me?' She stresses it's not 'I deserve this' but a blend of humility and confidence. It gives her permission to pursue the whole vision board, not one quadrant at a time, accepting that she has to toggle between areas.

• 06

  Seeing Earth from space forces a perspective shift

  After more than a decade of preparation, she focused first on getting her science team's data on her one shot. Then she looked out the window and felt awe she still can't describe: Earth as a planet, and herself 'not on the same planet as my baby'. It made 'don't sweat the small stuff' concrete and gave her an inner peace; she calls it her mental screensaver until she dies.

• 07

  Mothers get told to shrink the dreams they were raised on

  'We have astronaut Barbie dolls… we want our girls to know they can be anything, until they grow up and become mothers.' She gets online criticism to 'pick one, motherhood or space'. Her mother grew up when US women weren't eligible to fly to space, then watched her daughter's flight a generation later. She shares the juggle openly, including when 'the scales don't perfectly balance'.

• 08

  Suffering in silence is a rule worth breaking

  After nearly eight years of secondary infertility and recurrent loss, she's been pregnant five times but has one child. She has tried every approach: silence through an early loss, and waiting the 'safe' 12 weeks only to unannounce in the second trimester. She rejected the idea that loss is a private burden. Mel argues that bracing in silence doesn't spare you pain, because 'there is no assurance in life'.

• 09

  Hold grief and hope at the same time

  About 10 days from her next IVF transfer during taping, with another research mission planned for 2026, she keeps moving both forward. Her test for whether to continue something is whether it energises her and gives her a spark; if yes, she keeps trying.

• 10

  You can reserve the right to reinvent yourself

  The dream she crystallised at 20 doesn't have to be the edge of her 'visual field'. At 36 she sees further stars from a new vantage point. To find a direction, start by noticing what drains you and what energises you, so you can at least rule things out.