How to Learn From Your Mistakes: Let Go of Regret & Move Forward (My Breast Implant Nightmare)

KEYPOINTS

• 01

  Regret hurts more when you carry it alone

  Mel's main lesson from a six-year ordeal is that staying silent made her regret worse and her shame bigger. For three years after getting implants she wore bigger shirts, smiled and pretended she was happy, because she'd done it to herself. She says the moment she started talking about it and moved into 'fix-it mode,' the shame went away.

• 02

  Obsession pushes out research

  At 47, after three kids and breastfeeding, Mel hated her breasts so much that she skipped her homework. She used a friend's surgeon without interviewing anyone else and accepted his claim that a lift wouldn't work. She chose textured teardrop 'gummy bear' implants because they 'looked natural.' Her takeaway: when you're fixated on fixing something, give the decision the time and consideration it needs.

• 03

  You think you're the exception

  Mel says she got a pamphlet with warnings in tiny print, but when you're excited you skip the warnings because you assume you'll be the exception. She compares it to going on a date with someone everyone warned you about.

• 04

  Your body and intuition send signals

  Mel says she knew it was a mistake the moment she woke up from surgery. Over three years she developed numbness in her right arm, tingling in her pinky and armpit, worsening Raynaud's (her hands turned white when she reached into a freezer), brain fog, dry eyes, rashes, thinning hair, depression and anxiety. She blamed premenopause or work stress. Looking back, she calls it her intuition knocking on the door.

• 05

  Most decisions can be reversed

  Mel's estimate is that '99% of decisions in life can be reversed.' She says the issue is rarely your ability to make things better. It's how long regret keeps you stuck. You can apologize, to yourself or someone else, and learn from it. Once is a mistake, and repeating it is a pattern. Learning from it is what she calls wisdom.

• 06

  Only you can make the call about your body

  Before the removal surgery, Mel spiraled about the cost (about twice the original, not covered by insurance) and whether her chest would look worse. A friend who'd had a double mastectomy had the same fear about removing her reconstruction implants. Mel's advice is to take in all the information and recommendations, then tune out the fear and decide for yourself.

• 07

  Regret is self-punishment

  Mel calls regret a 'psychological implant' you choose to carry. No one has ever fixed the past by regretting it, she says. Feeling bad for a day or two is a healthy response, but after that you need to learn and move on. She asks: what if this mistake is the beginning of a new chapter rather than the end of the story?

• 08

  There's a group for every mistake

  Mel says that whatever you regret, there's a group online of people sharing the same story, and you can join under a fake name if you need to. Being there reminds you that you're human, not uniquely foolish, and it often brings practical next steps.