5 Powerful Questions to Ask Yourself Right Now

KEYPOINTS

• 01

  A solo check-in, framed as a walk with a friend

  No experts or interviews here: Mel goes back to the podcast's format from two and a half years earlier, when it was just her at a microphone in Vermont, recording in her closet or above the garage. She records straight after her morning walk, still in workout clothes. Her premise is that you already know what's working, what drains you and what brings you joy, but busyness hijacks you. Pausing to ask good questions brings that clarity back quickly.

• 02

  Question 1: How are you really doing right now?

  Skip the automatic 'fine.' Close your mouth, breathe through your nose and ask more than once, because the answer comes in layers. Name the feeling (overwhelmed, content, restless, frustrated) without trying to fix it. If the answer is good, that's a clue about what to keep doing. If it's bad, saying it out loud is the first step to whatever comes next.

• 03

  Problems feel lighter outside your head than inside it

  Mel cites a New York Times piece by clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour, whose work changed how Mel relates to her adult kids. Damour wrote that adolescents, like adults, feel relief just from putting their worries into words, and that psychologists say problems feel better outside than inside. Many big problems can't be solved, Mel adds, but having one isn't nearly as bad as feeling alone with it.

• 04

  Question 2: Who have you spent time with lately, or wish you had?

  Looking back over 56 years, Mel says the periods when she put family and friends first felt clearly better than the ones when work or school came first. The question surfaces people you take for granted because 'they're always there.' She cites Dr. Robert Waldinger, director of the 84-year Harvard Study of Adult Development: relationship quality is the strongest predictor of lifelong happiness and health, not money, success or status.

• 05

  Stop waiting to be invited, and keep connection small

  Mel is annoyed by families waiting for a formal invitation: call and say 'I miss you, how about this weekend?' Put a date in the calendar. She also argues that connection doesn't need a big weekend or a $10,000 trip. A six-minute call while running errands counts, and one visit often leads to the next.

• 06

  Question 3: What brought you joy recently, and how can you do more of it?

  Joy is usually something small, not the promotion or the renovation. Mel argues joy can happen on purpose, so build it into your schedule: keep a puzzle on the coffee table, a deck of cards or Bananagrams handy. She treats joy as a life raft, not a mood you have to feel all the time.

• 07

  Small doses of joy can help during depression and burnout

  For listeners too burned out to know what brings them joy, Mel points to NYU psychiatrist Dr. Judith Joseph, whose research looks at how small moments of intentional joy can be a lifeline even in hard periods of depression. Finding joy when things are going well is easy. Mel calls building it in when they aren't a superpower.

• 08

  Your camera roll shows you what used to bring you joy

  If you're drawing a blank, scroll back through your photos. In her worst burnout years Mel had to scroll back several years to find herself content: running road races with girlfriends, a book club, singing in a church choir, meditating, scrapbooking. You can even feel 'jealous of a former version of yourself' who made time for those things. That's your evidence of what to bring back.

• 09

  Question 4: What have you been putting off that's draining your energy?

  It's usually something small that nags you every time you see it: a dentist appointment, an overdue bill, school physicals, the couch you meant to list on Facebook Marketplace, a car registration. Mel's challenge is to pick one, set a timer and time how long it actually takes, inspired by a TikTok account called How Long Does It Actually Take?, where a young woman named Christy times tasks she has put off.

• 10

  Question 5: What's something new you can try during the week?

  Saving all the fun for weekends backfires, Mel says, because you sleep until 11 and the day disappears into errands. Try a weekday dance, cooking, art or online class, with bonus points for bringing or making a friend and extra points if you expect to be bad at it. Having somewhere to be also gives you a reason to leave work instead of drifting back to the laptop.