A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want | Jay Shetty
- Guest
- Jay Shetty
- Read time
- ~6 min
- Uploaded
- 21 Apr 2025
- Duration
- 1:51:17
- Views
- 2.6M
KEYPOINTS
- 01
Five steps sit between learning something and changing
Shetty's sequence is learn, experiment, perform, struggle and thrive. Experimenting means a new idea may fail on Tuesday and work on Wednesday, so don't expect it to be perfect tomorrow. Performing is when it becomes automatic, and struggle shows up just before the next level. Reflection runs through the middle steps: ask how you could do it 1% or 2% differently.
- 02
You're not stuck, you're grieving a past version of yourself
Quoting a Zen teaching, 'what's holding you back is what you're holding on to,' he says reality has moved on and you haven't. Empty nesters see memories in every corner of the house. After a breakup people keep rereading old vacation photos while the ex has moved on. Momentum doesn't come from knowing where you're going but from knowing you don't want to stay where you are.
- 03
Fear of your own social circle blocks new identities
'I'm a teacher, I can't be a creator.' 'I'm a nurse, how can I podcast?' 'I'm a mom, I can't run a TikTok shop.' Shetty says the pressure people feel comes from friends who have approved their current role, not from strangers. You can be two things at once without permission, and even when you succeed some people still won't understand, so it was never about their understanding.
- 04
Become a professional quitter, without a full map
Almost no one understood when he became a monk, left the monastery, took a consulting job or left it to make videos. Three podcast production companies told him nobody would listen to him for an hour. He says 14 of 17 publishing imprints rejected the title Think Like a Monk, which went on to sell millions of copies. He has never known where his life was going, and thinks needing everything figured out first is 'the biggest lie we've been told.'
- 05
Treat a job you hate as a launch pad
You can hate where you are and still collect every skill you'll need. Consulting gave him negotiation, communication, presentation and client skills he still uses. Spending eight or nine hours a day thinking 'I hate it here' wastes the only big block of time you have, since evenings might offer one or two hours. Accept that you dislike it, then take everything it offers.
- 06
Find purpose by collecting and connecting
Citing a book about finding purpose through sampling, he describes collecting stories, skills and experiences in every job, then one day connecting them like jigsaw pieces. He sees himself as just as much consultant as monk and media person. School trained us to pick one major and one title, which is why being three things feels complicated.
- 07
Passion plus service equals purpose, at any scale
Passion is what brings you joy. For him it's a weekend 'in a cave of books.' Purpose is using that passion to serve others. A photographer capturing memories for people is already doing it. Purpose isn't defined by reach, doesn't need to be your job, and doesn't need social media. A team member's retired mother found hers by organizing trips for family, friends and couples.
- 08
If you feel numb, follow the whisper and ask people who know you
Signs are quiet: organize a couple more birthdays, help a friend plan a wedding, write one quote a day. You're already good at something that comes so easily you don't count it. Ask three people who know you deeply, such as a colleague, a family member and a friend, what you do that makes them think of you and what you help them solve.
- 09
Judge others by intentions and yourself by actions
His monk teachers taught him to reverse our default of excusing ourselves by intentions while condemning others by actions. When a friend was hurt that he hadn't posted about their podcast, it wasn't neglect: he rarely touches social media while traveling. With people you know, ask directly. A hard conversation with someone you love should bring you closer, and if you're scared to have it, you may not be that close.
- 10
Stop keeping score, and let love arrive in other forms
If you showed up expecting something back, that's a transaction, not love. His teacher said love is a circle: it returns, but not always from the people you gave it to. Shetty pushes back on rigid love languages, arguing that demanding to be loved one way limits what others can offer. Telling people they disappointed you discourages them, while noticing the small things inspires more.
EXAMPLES
- 01
Hospital cleaners who called themselves healers
Shetty cites Yale researcher Amy Wrzesniewski's work with hospital cleaners. Some described their work as low-skilled labor, while others with the same hours, shifts and pay called themselves healers and carers, believing a clean hospital gives patients dignity and draws families to the bedside. That group was happier and more productive. The researchers called it job crafting.
- 02
Radhi's meals before the cookbook
On a spouse visa in America and unable to work, his wife Radhi cooked and delivered meals in LA and joined food distribution programs. She turned down catering because she cooks as an act of love. Her New York Times bestselling cookbook, Joy Full, came much later as a byproduct.
- 03
The Asus instead of the iPad mini
Shetty loved gifts because his breadwinner mom often worked on his birthday but left a wrapped Power Ranger. Radhi's family gives quality time instead. He hinted for an iPad mini and unwrapped an Asus her family said had better specs, and he was upset. Over time he realized he had been ignoring the many other ways she showed love.
- 04
Mel's jealousy became two years of study
Tired of flying to corporate speaking gigs, Mel felt jealous of Shetty's podcast. He told her she'd 'destroy' it if she launched one. His line: weak people envy those ahead of them, strong people study them. She studied him for two years and launched with two episodes a week because of what she learned. For Mel, jealousy points to something meant for you, unlike envy.
- 05
Mr. Buckeridge kept asking why
His art teacher refused 'it looks good' as an answer, which annoyed him at first. Shetty credits him with making him intentional, down to the book by his bed and the quote at his desk. Mel recalled her math teacher Glenn Core, whose class chanted 'Perseverance wins.' Both urge listeners to contact a teacher who shaped them.
OTHER RELEVANT
- 01
Imagine life without something to feel grateful
In hard times, grieve first. When you're ready, instead of listing what you have, ask what life would be like without it, the way a cut finger suddenly makes you grateful for your hand. Mel applied it to her 80-year-old father and shifted from fear about limited holidays to gratitude that he's here.
- 02
Text people when you want nothing
Whenever someone comes to mind, Shetty sends 'Thinking of you, sending lots of love,' and people often reply that they were just thinking of him. If the shades feel drawn, be the one who texts, calls or helps first, and remember Emerson: plant trees whose shade you don't expect to sit in.
- 03
Ask whether life is a school, a hospital, a movie or a mountain
If lessons keep repeating, ask what you need to learn. If you're in pain, ask what needs healing. If things are good, ask what to experience before it passes. If you're on your path, ask what skill you need to climb.