7 Lessons To Learn Once That Will Improve Your Life Forever

KEYPOINTS

• 01

  Switch to problem-solving mode instead of giving up

  Driving away from the Baxter State Park ranger station, Mel realized her hiking boots were on her back porch in Vermont and all she had were Birkenstocks. She says the old Mel would have sulked, played the victim and stayed in the tent. This time she decided she wasn't going to miss the climb and was going to figure it out. She calls that declaration one of the most important mindset shifts she's made.

• 02

  Picture the good outcome before you know how it will go

  Friends texted warnings about blisters from brand-new boots. Mel deliberately refused to feed the fear and told them instead that she'd text after the hike to say these were the best boots ever. She leaned on her habit of asking 'what if it all works out?' and pictured David Goggins running ultramarathons on ruined feet, telling herself she would 'Goggins this thing.' Her reasoning was that expecting disaster mostly makes things feel worse.

• 03

  Don't go to bed angry; talk it out

  After an eight-hour drive turned into a 45-minute detour in silence, everyone was furious and on edge. At the campfire, Chris asked everyone to share the high and low of their day. Mel said the real low was feeling like a little kid in trouble during the silent drive, and wished they'd paused to make a plan before everyone blew up. Chris said he blamed himself for not running through a checklist. Talking 'put a pin in the balloon,' and they ended with a group hug.

• 04

  Ask for a reset when you need it

  Fifteen minutes into the dark trail, the stiff new boots had Mel doubting she could last 12 hours. Instead of suffering in silence as she normally would, she asked Chris to call a family huddle: everyone shoulder to shoulder, one deep breath together. She says she was proud of herself for asking.

• 05

  'You carry your baggage with you'

  Near the summit, Mel asked a thru-hiker finishing day 172 of the 2,190-mile Appalachian Trail what he'd learned. He said he had assumed he had nothing to learn and was wrong. His first lesson was that you carry your baggage with you. Mel takes that to mean you can't outrun, out-hike or out-drink unresolved issues. You have to consciously decide to put them down, through therapy, self-awareness and learning about yourself.

• 06

  Never underestimate patience, and stay teachable

  Walking past, the same thru-hiker added 'patience.' Chris and Mel talked about how people tend to think they know it all, and Mel calls life 'the single greatest school you'll ever attend' if you keep that mindset.

• 07

  Keep moving and good things come

  On the way down, Mel met two more thru-hikers, trail names Riverrun and Wood, finishing a dream they'd chipped away at in sections over 45 years. Their first lesson was that if you keep moving, eventually good things come: good people, good weather, good views, good luck. They also said nature is the original healer, and that at their core people are good, citing strangers who gave them the shirt off their back or the last bite of a meal.

• 08

  Ask for specific help with a fear

  Mel has a fear of heights and vertigo, and the descent through the boulder field meant looking down at sheer drops. She asked Oakley to go in front so he could catch her and Chris to go behind. Then she realized what she actually needed was Chris showing her one step at a time while she looked only at the next step, not the whole drop. She says five years ago she couldn't have done it.