How to Design Your Life (A Full Step-by-Step Process)

KEYPOINTS

• 01

  Design your life around what is possible, not what is probable.

  Debbie Millman, a designer who has taught a life-design course at the School of Visual Arts for over a decade, says most people only plan for the likely outcome, which keeps their ambitions small. Her process gives you a way to make decisions about what you want even if those wants change later. Thinking in possibilities lets you start experimenting with what different lives might feel like before committing to one.

• 02

  The core exercise: write a detailed essay about one ordinary day, ten years from now, in a life where you got everything you wanted.

  You write from the moment you wake up until you close your eyes at night. Millman learned a five-year version from designer Milton Glaser and now uses ten years. Mel, at 56, imagined herself at 66; a teenager would picture their 20s. The point is to be specific about a single day rather than listing abstract goals.

• 03

  Focus only on the outcome. Asking 'how will I do this?' kills the exercise.

  Millman insists the essay is your dream, your fantasy of the life you'd have if you could get everything. Working out logistics while you write pulls you back into probability. She is clear it won't get you everything, but she says it will get you more than you have now, and that part she 'can guarantee.'

• 04

  Start with your surroundings and let surprising images be clues.

  The first question is where you live and what's around you. Mel immediately saw the ocean, even though she doesn't live near it now; Millman called that 'a cue.' If what you picture makes no sense with your current life, don't edit it out. That mismatch may be pointing to something you want but haven't admitted.

• 05

  Most people aren't unclear about what they want; they're afraid to let themselves imagine it.

  When Mel asked whether people get stuck because they don't know what they want, Millman pushed back: the real problem is fear of wanting. Admitting a desire makes it real and puts you at risk of disappointment. For some, it also conflicts with family expectations, like realizing you may not want kids, may not want to live in your hometown, may be gay, or may not want the career your parents chose.

• 06

  Saying it out loud is the most powerful part.

  Glaser made his students read their essays to the class, and Millman does the same: students get a week to write, then come back and share. Some charge to the front eagerly; others are shaky and scared. She believes declaring what you want somehow folds it into your intentions, and hearing other people's dreams encourages everyone in the room.

• 07

  After writing it, read it, put it away, and read it again in a year.

  Millman doesn't recommend pinning it up or checking it every day. She suggests putting it away and revisiting it a year later. When things start coming true, she says to notice it privately as reassurance that you did something meaningful for yourself, rather than announcing it publicly.

• 08

  Self-sabotage shows up as the things you tell yourself you can't do.

  One of her prompts is 'What are you telling yourself you can't do that you can?' She says people answer with 'breathtaking self-sabotage': they'll never meet the right person, never get the house by the ocean, never run their own business. These 'circling restrictions' keep people from even trying.

• 09

  Not being in the mood is not a permission slip.

  Millman asks her students what matters more: keeping a promise to themselves or watching the new season of a TV show. Her view is that finishing things you start is a form of accountability to yourself, and that our stories about not finishing are part of what life design brings to the surface.

• 10

  You don't have to pick just one thing.

  Millman has worked in design, branding, teaching, writing and podcasting, and doesn't regret not narrowing down; she says doing only one or two things would have limited her creativity. If you know you want to be a doctor or a skater, focus. If you don't know, she encourages trying as many things as you like.

• 11

  'Make it till you make it,' don't fake it.

  Millman rejects 'fake it till you make it' as pretending and inauthentic. Making it until you make it means you are actively building, which is intentional design. She also turns hope into action: instead of praying or being desperate for something, you create the opportunity to try. Nothing is guaranteed, but she argues trying gives you far better odds than waiting.