241 ‒ Living intentionally, valuing time, prioritizing relationships, & more keys to a rich life

KEYPOINTS

• 01

  Parenting teenagers is a tug of war you must eventually lose

  Ric Elias says this was the last meaningful lesson from his mother, given over coffee while she had Alzheimer's and he was asking for advice about his teenage daughter. You can't drop the rope right away, but by the time children leave for college they should have pulled you over the line. His version: they will always be your kids, but you won't always be their parent.

• 02

  Memories made with people you love are what a year leaves behind

  When Ric looks back over a year, what he actually remembers is time spent with people. So he started creating those experiences on purpose. One was a 'friends summit': about 30 friends, each personally chosen by him, who arrived open-minded because the only thing they had in common was knowing Ric. Peter, who attended, says he left with a list of men he couldn't wait to see again.

• 03

  People who finish life well keep looking forward

  Ric has studied people in their 70s, 80s and 90s who are thriving. The common thread is that they keep planning and building instead of retreating into the past. Staying 'in the arena', even at a slower pace, keeps the mind engaged and keeps them feeling relevant. He connects this with Arthur Brooks's idea that crystallized intelligence takes over as fluid intelligence declines, so older people stay productive by teaching and advising.

• 04

  Live with complete intention, and count your time

  Since Flight 1549, Ric has tried to live with full intention. He knows, for example, that he has 242 weeks left until he turns 60. Each week he sets his big intentions, because he expects lower energy and some physical debts to come due after 60. He says this way of living is what makes his life feel rich.

• 05

  The most important relationship is with yourself

  Ric calls this his biggest growth since the plane. If that relationship is wrong, every other one carries friction. He argues that most religions and much of society use guilt to teach or control us, and that guilt is 'the most useless emotion'. He has spent five years getting rid of it. The alternative is to own mistakes quickly. When he snaps at someone, he apologises within about 20–30 minutes and asks for forgiveness, rather than carrying the guilt around.

• 06

  Happiness and wealth are only as linked as you decide

  Ric points out that some of the happiest people in the world have no wealth, so the two can't be tied together. But many people chase wealth for their whole lives because society tells them to, then arrive feeling empty and guilty about what they sacrificed. He calls that the worst place to be: getting what you wanted and finding it was a mirage.

• 07

  Play the infinite game

  At the friends summit, Simon Sinek spoke about finite and infinite games. Ric says the book put into words what he already believed: in an infinite game there is no winning, and the goal is to stay in the game and ultimately keep it going. After the plane, he decided to 'run a different race' than everyone else. He says he feels no jealousy and rarely reads comments about himself.

• 08

  Struggle builds greatness, and that is hard on privileged children

  Peter recalls an old interview in which a young Arnold Schwarzenegger said his drive came from hardship and a need to escape. Ric agrees and adds that perfect 4.0 students who never faced adversity often struggle to be productive later. He notes that his generation came from little while their children come from plenty.

• 09

  The twenties are an apprenticeship that remote work may erode

  Ric thinks something special about the US is that companies, hospitals and other employers spend the decade from 20 to 30 training people for the rest of their lives. He loves the flexibility of hybrid work and doesn't want to lose it. But he worries that if young people no longer learn alongside experienced colleagues, the country could lose much of its edge in 10–30 years.